The Value of Mental Health

A small fraction of my clients have true mental health problems. These are actually the easy ones to deal with. They usually know they have a problem and are dealing with it. A large portion of my clients have divorce induced mental health problems. These are hard. Over the years I can see a definite pattern to a person's mental health and the course of their divorce. When the initial break happens they are an absolute emotional wreck. This goes on for about 3 months. Then they start to settle down and get on with their life. My time tested rule of thumb is that if I do not see an improvement in a persons mental health within 6 months of the initial break, I am in for the legal roller coaster ride of my life.
These people manifest their emotional turmoil in 2 ways, sadness and anger. Usually a person picks one way to go and sticks with it. Occasionally I see both in an individual and they seesaw back and forth as to whether they're sad or mad. I keep a box of tissues in my office for the sad. I have caller ID for the mad. I find that the sad weep their way through a divorce and refuse to make any decisions. The mad yell their way through the divorce and make bad decisions. I have come to the conclusion that often these people enjoy their emotional turmoil. I think it gives them something to replace the other person and to focus on instead. However, all this craziness can take a toll. On them and me.
Divorce law has a way to value virtually every component of a marriage except for someone's mental health. I would like to have a formula which puts a price on mental health. I believe that such a formula would make most divorces smoother. For example how does fighting to get the $100.00 vcr compare to the stress of fighting over it for 3 days? Never mind the legal fees involved. On a bigger scale, is getting $50.00 a week more in alimony worth fighting over it for 6 months and then trying to get it out of your ex for the rest of your life? What is the value of letting things go and getting on with your life as opposed to being an emotional wreck while you are trying to squeeze a bit more out in the dollar column?
I have a hard time convincing people to compromise for their own sakes. The interesting thing is, that those people I have convinced never regret it. Those people I don't convince usually tell me later they do regret it, it just wasn't worth it in the end.
Unfortunately, the success of a divorce lawyer is largely measured by the financial aspects of the case. Although your client is no longer a functioning productive member of society, you are a success because they got the house. I value my client's peace of mind and seek to assist the difficult transition to being a divorced person. I sometimes advise them to give in because it will help them emotionally. Although I am not considered one of the most successful lawyers around, my reward is that my peers and clients respect me, like me and appreciate what I do. Another example of emotional health being more important than financial but this time it's my own.

No Fault

No Fault: when determining equitable distribution and support, the actual or perceived fault of either party is not a factor to be considered. 100% of my clients understand the concept of no fault when they get divorced. 100% of my clients want to make fault arguments and manage to do so with or without my help. The problem with no fault is that it is a rational, policy based concept. Marriage is not rational nor policy based, it is emotional. Divorce ups the ante on irrationality and emotions to a level of temporary insanity. That is why my clients refuse to accept it. The judge does not care that your husband stopped by the local bar every night after work for 6 years while you slaved at home taking care of the kids. The opposing counsel is not going to be convinced that their client is the devil incarnate because they had an affair 3 years ago nor will it make them switch to your side. I do not care that the 2 of you spent your entire marriage slapping each other silly. Besides the entertainment factor your stories provide, no one but you and your spouse care. My clients have a deep compelling need to prove the worst about their spouse regardless that it won't mean a thing to their divorce. They must be vindicated and proven to be the good person in the marriage. There is something to be said for the carthetic effect this may have on divorcing people. Therefore I am proposing this addition to divorce law: Since people are so determined to throw stones at each other let's do it! The parties can stand 5 feet from each other. After the National Anthem, there is the traditional coin toss. The winner goes first. Each party in turn is allowed to make one accusation or bring up one incident against the other. They then chuck the stone at the other person as hard as they can, head shots are illegal and you lose your turn. If one of the parties is clearly physically weaker than the other, they may choose a proxy who is comparable in strength to their spouse. The last party standing gets a certificate, suitable for framing, from the Court acknowledging that they are the good person.
I really like the idea but until the legislature sees it my way, the law will remain the same: you are both idiots and because of that you will split everything.